Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Cinderella's Divorce

As promised, the story of why the Prince wanted to divorce Cinderella.

Once upon another time, when Cinderella and the Prince were facing troubled times, a decree was sent through the Queendom of Charmville. The decree stated that no man could issue a certificate of divorce to his wife, no matter what the circumstance. This angered the Prince. Upon learning of the decree he set forth to talk with his mother, the Queen.

“Please reverse this decree so I can divorce Cinderella,” the Prince said.

“This I can not do, young Prince. Once the decree is set forth it becomes the law of the land,” the Queen replied.

“Are you not the very queen who can make the laws and take them back if need be?”

“Yes I can. But this decree is final. I can not reverse it. Besides, why do you want to divorce Cinderella? She’s a nice woman and she takes care of your part of the castle.”

The prince cleared his throat. “I’d rather not discuss personal matters. But she is a very mean woman and doesn’t fulfill.my…needs. I just need the divorce.”

The Queen thought hard, for she loved her son very much. But she also had to uphold the decree she sent out. She said, “There is a way, but both you and Cinderella must face me for the final judgment. If I see that there is enough reason for the divorce I will grant it. Or at least remove her from the land.” She winked.

“I’ll fetch her now, Mother, so I can rid myself of this vile beast.”

“Try to hurry, for it’ll be dinner time soon and I am very hungry.” A loud growl bellowed from her big tummy.

The Prince’s eyes grew wide for fear he might be eaten. “Yes, Mother. I shall hurry.”
He ran out of the main parlor of the castle, through walkways and corridors until he reached his part of the castle. He stopped upon arriving at the big wooden door to his bedroom. Faint voices were coming through the cracks. He looked for a keyhole but found none. Grabbing the handle he gave the door a huge shove.

He screamed upon entering the room. Cinderella was sitting up on man who had smooth and tan skin. She only wore the glass slippers the Fairy Godmother gave her before she married the Prince. The smooth skin man wore nothing at all. As soon as she saw the Prince’s face she covered the smooth skin man and herself with bedding cover.

With a red face the Prince yelled, “Again? Again, I find you with this man. Remove yourself from him and go with me into the Queen’s quarters. I want a divorce and she will grant this to me. Once she finds out what a true harlot you are the decision should be quick.”
Cinderella smirked and stood, exposing the naked man.

The Prince gasped and looked down at his own mid section and frowned.

“Yes, dear. This should be a tasty treat. Please expose my evil ways to the Queen. We shall see who gets the last laugh.”

The Prince stepped back and was shocked. “What ever do you mean?”

“You’ll find out.”

After she put on a scarlet robe the Prince grabbed her by the arm and led her back to the Queens parlor. They stepped through the doorway and walked up to the Queen, who just finished a snack of bread and wild game. Fragments of meat were on her chin and down her dress.

“I have brought her to you. Can we proceed?” The prince placed Cinderella behind a small podium that was to the left of the Queen. He positioned himself behind another podium to the Queen’s right.”

Letting out a small belch the Queen said, “I understand that you, the Prince, wish to divorce Cinderella. Do you have reason why I should grant this divorce?”

“I indeed do. This woman,” he said pointing at Cinderella “is nothing more than a common harlot. I have caught her many times sharing love with other men while she denies my right as a husband.”

Cinderella rolled her eyes as she tried to pat down her mangled curly blonde hair.

The Queen asked Cinderella, “Is this true?”

“I’m afraid so.”

“The Queen asked again, “Do you have reason why you do not give yourself to your husband but will give yourself to other men?”

“Yes I do.”

“Tell us,” the Queen said.

Cinderella tightened her robe and said, “You will not find my reasons believable. But let the truth be known.” She cleared her throat. “I never gave myself to him because he has never offered or expressed interest, even on our wedding night. I think his proposal for marriage was to hide his other desires. Many times I have walked by and seen him catching a fancy on the young groundskeepers as they toil away.”

The Queen sat down while the Prince’s mouth opened.

Cinderella said, “Once I strolled by the bedroom and saw him in his birthday suit staring out the window and, um, touching his privates. I hid and waited for him to finish and leave then I walked to the window and saw the big guardsman, in nothing but a loincloth, soaking up the afternoon sun.”

“This harlot lies. All lies. It was her on our bed with that guardsman just a short time ago.”
Cinderella again rolled her eyes.

The Queen said, “I find this hard to believe, Cinderella. Maybe you are fibbing just to spare yourself humility.”

“I’m not ashamed of anything. I am a woman with needs that my dear husband chooses not to give me,” said Cinderella.

The Queen stood. “Do you have anything else to say before I pass judgment?”

“Yes I do. It was only last week I went into the temple to pray for the Prince that he would give himself to me. Upon entering I heard strange moans and grunts coming from behind the pulpit. I am a very curious person so I went to see what the commotion was about. I inched the curtain back and saw the Prince lying with the priest as a man lies with a woman. The Prince was on bottom, of course.”

The Prince’s eyes grey wide. “That is blasphemy. How dare you say that I commit such an act of debauchery. With a priest?” He came over to Cinderella and pointed a finger in her face. “This spawn of the devil deserves beheading.”

“Remove your finger before I eat it for a snack.” Cinderella looked at his finger with her nostrils flaring. She smiled. “Is that the priest or the groundskeeper I smell?”

The Queen stepped in between the two before Cinderella could bite his finger. “By the law of the land, anyone who blasphemes shall be put to death by beheading.” She looked at Cinderella with sad eyes. “I am sorry.” The Queen motioned with her arm. “Guard, take her away.”

“At last I will be free from this woman,” the prince said.

The Queen turned her head to him and said, “Close your mouth lest you will find your lovely head in the guillotine. You lover of hairy trees.”

The Prince remained quiet and scratched various parts of his body.

“I shall deal with you later,” the Queen stated.

The guard grabbed Cinderella by the arms and hauled her out of the Queens quarters. The robe she wore fell off one shoulder exposing one of her breasts. The guard caught site of this and smiled.

She smiled on return and motioned with her tongue in and out in her cheek. Looking down she could see the guard was impressed by her motion. The guard winked.

They finally arrived at the guillotine followed by the Queen and Prince. The guard placed Cinderella’s head in the boards and locked it in while the Queen and the Prince stood at the other end of the platform. The guard stood behind Cinderella.

Cinderella grabbed the bottom portion of the robe and started pulling it over her bottom until all her skin was exposed.

“Good gracious,” said the guard.

The Prince gazed upon the sweaty body and saw the tightening of the guard’s loins. He started walking to the guard eying the moisture rolling down the guard’s bare chest. Without warning the Prince pinched the nipple of the guard.
The guard, startled, jumped back, bumping into the Prince.

The Prince started to fall. He grabbed the rope which held the blade of the guillotine causing the blade to descend. Before it reached Cinderella’s neck the Prince fell in the path of the falling object.

CRUNCH

Cinderella’s head rolled to the feet of the Queen. The upper torso and left hand of the Prince fell to the platform with a splatter.

Speckles of blood fell on the guard causing him to turn and puke.
The Queen kicked Cinderella’s head and sighed. “Now who will rule when I leave this world? Shame indeed.”

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